Recently, while talking to my mom, I realized a big problem that we have in our world today, specifically in this era. That is the fact that we are not truly living our lives. We are often consumed and living based on what other people think, receiving unsatisfying, and short lasting false senses of happiness. No, you may not think so -- but then again, either did I.
My Senior year of high school I was tired. Engulfed in a world of a million different things, people and ideas, I was "happy"-- but not truly happy. I realized that I was living my life at the will of other people and other things. Now I don't know if that is because of my own traits, things that happened in my life, or because of having hyperhidrosis, but I found that there was no one to blame but myself. I found that pleasing other people was making me despondent, without even realizing it. It wasn't until the end of that year, when I finally said, "no" to someone, that I realized I had been taken advantage of by others, but mostly by myself. My lifelong tendencies to please other people finally became recognizable, and I decided to make the most out of my life.
Coming out to college I developed more of a back bone, free to do what I wanted to do with my life, and what made me happy.
However, a few weeks ago, without realizing, I had fallen back into the trap. Dealing with the recent breakup was fine, but it wasn't until the other day that I contemplated my happiness and realized why I wasn't the happiest I could be: I was living my life for other people. Trying to gain a sense of "happiness"-- but it was fake, and unsatisfying. I decided then and there to make a change.
Project: Happiness, I thought.
I began to write fiercely, sweat dripping down my palms, channeling my emotions into something good. Making myself better. I made a list. Goals, if you will. Things that make me truly happy. Things I want to accomplish here at the university, in my religion, with my family, my health, and with my friends.
Then I made a schedule. I filled up my day with things that were just for me and my truest happiness and took out the things that weren't.
Instead of Facebook, I scheduled in reading a book or talking a walk. Spending just a little more time in my religious studies. Taking the time I would be watching TV or tweeting, to calling a friend or a family member, or writing a note and expressing my love for them. Importantly, I created spending more time on campus, learning, studying, growing. I began to leave my phone at home, simplifying my life, and call me old fashion but guess what? It has been SO nice. I have found I am able to focus more and be more in the moment with people and myself.
I realized in this life changing moment, that I could live for myself, and not for others. Now don't misunderstand. Living for others is different than living for yourself to then give of yourself to others. This is crucial to progress. We must be our own converts to happiness first.
I realized that everything we do in our lives is too often based on what other people think, trying to impress others, and creating this false sense of "happiness" that becomes a viscous cycle and actually binds us, not letting us live. Think about why we do the things we do, and why we say the things we say. Think about technology: why do we post on Facebook? To get recognized? Do we want to impress someone else? Or are we looking at other people's lives, comparing ourselves, and then feel the constant need to post about our own lives, to get the reaction or attention from the world. In breakups- are we trying to "bump into" our ex? Post on twitter to have them think we've "moved on" or that we are "so happy". We are living for something else. People involved deeply with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders-- these are all false senses of happiness, that never last.
These things do not bring us true happiness.
Today I challenge you all to do more of what makes you truly happy. If that's starting completely over, simply not bringing your phone to dinner, making more good use of your time, waking up a little earlier, make progress toward the things you REALLY want in life. After all, it's yours. And it can be GREAT. Don't let the world or other's tell you otherwise.
Today, I challenge you to live.
Thank you for reading.
Sweaty and Hawt.
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